I’m sick of Liberals complaining that this is an inhumane punishment. What utter bullshit! If we didn’t clamp down on these reprobates they’d be marching around our city centers, pissing and puking on people on sight.

People caught drunk driving should be tasered continually for a number of hours until they swear to never drink drive again. We need to stop pussy footing about this issue and get a real grasp on it!

Your best option is just quit altogether and stop associating with people who love alcohol. Social drinkers are terrible people who hate others who drink less and therefore reveal the true extent of their alcoholism. That’s why these people get hostile when you aren’t drinking fast enough. It’s not because they are angry at you as such, it’s because they are alarmed at what losers they truly are underneath.

Stay cool and keep to the Cokes. If anyone tries to put any liquor into your drink then be sure to report them to the police as this as bad as putting horse tranquilizer into someone’s glass.

You can’t feel at ease in public without having a drink and that leads you into drinking more just to feel normal and before you know it you’re locked into a downward spiral that you cannot reverse without the help of our savior Jesus Christ.

My advice is to be a god damn man and conquer your fears head on! Don’t be a damn pussy and hide behind the bottle otherwise I’m afraid you’re just another drone in this ruined society.

What makes me feel ashamed is that I ignored him! I should have went over to him and given him a proper old bear hug but at the time I just didn’t have the energy. Whenever I encounter drunk people I just get so angry and my bear hug probably would have turned into brutal retribution. None of it matters anymore, anyway now that he’s dead.

That doesn’t stop me missing the poor fellow.

This is for you Rosco, rest in peace buddy x.

1. Whenever I drank I used to have an unquenchable sexual appetite, so much so that I’d pretend to be a wild animal and start drinking out of toilets.
2. I used to have this thing for crapping in closets. Once my wife caught me taking a huge steamer over all of her clothes and she threw me out of the house and didn’t let me back in until morning.
3. I became an Atheist one time after drinking a quart of Vodka and went into a Christian chatroom pretending to be the devil, declaring that everyone inside were ‘faggots’, ‘harloting liars’ and ‘potential bum rapists’.
4. I had no qualms about urinating on other people’s property. One time my buddy Lithman gave me a lift home and I just whipped out my nozzle and started urinating in the back seat of his car. Christ, I was worse than a damn hobo back then.
5. I loved shoplifting when under the influence too. Only I wouldn’t steal expensive items. I’d normally just end up stealing 10, 30 cent candy bars. Either way, theft is theft under God’s eyes and there’s absolutely no excuse for it.

I’m at my wits end here! We don’t see eye to eye on anything anymore. I firmly believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen whilst she has the bizarre notion that she should be allowed to have her own career to help support the family too. I honestly think she might be possessed by Satan. She certainly smells that way these days.

If only I could convince her how dangerous alcohol is then I might have a hope of saving our marriage, but until then I’m seriously worried about our future. I’m beginning to think that we don’t even have one together…

The media is to blame for making alcohol appear glamorous. I think it should be portrayed as the harmful drug it is in order to scare the hell out of kids. Any film that’s seen glamorizing alcohol should be banned immediately. Any celebrity who is seen out boozing in public should not be allowed to star in any other films until they’ve repented for their sins.

Our kids have no hope whilst we have such poor role models.

You need to contact the person you offended immediately and apologize to them profusely until either your or their ears are bleeding. After this you must swear never to take another drink ever again. It helps if you pray to Jesus with this bit as it makes it into a solemn oath.

Be sure to relive what you’ve done in your mind over and over again just to squeeze every last bit of shame out of your drunken exploits. Don’t believe your friends accounts of events as they’ll likely make you out to be a legend for urinating in some old ladies garden whilst pissed on draught beer.

All you can do is live out and have a grilled cheese sandwich, but hey that’s life for you!

Instead of drinking, why not praise the Lord for giving you a healthy body and soul and sing His praises for once. Old Kevin here used to rebel against the Lord in this way and it caused Him so much harm it is almost unbearable to think about. I urinated myself so many times in public that it’s not remotely funny. I’d drink 12 pints of beer at a time and once I’d finished, I would curl up in the town square into a ball and urinate myself until there wasn’t a drop of it left in my body.

God I’m so ashamed of what I was!

It’s a disgrace. I have absolutely no time for drunk drivers. Hell, I was one myself for a while and I’m lucky to still be alive. I’d drive home from work and a drink a litre of vodka during that time. I was pathetic. If I seen someone like that now I’d punch them in the face repeatedly for being so goddamn inconsiderate.

The government can’t be harsh enough about this.

I believe that if a kid applies for a driving licence and has ingested alcohol before in his life that he should be immediately refused a licence. We just can’t trust these people anymore. The statistics prove it.

If I’m capable of drink driving, then anyone is.

Be sure that if I see you drink driving on my patch then I’ll drag you out of your vehicle and close the door repeatedly on your head.