Don’t drink in public, ya muppet! Seriously if I had my way I’d close down all bars and clubs and finally ban alcohol. There’s nothing worse than seeing someone drunk in public. Some people find it funny, but I see it as a moral travesty, an indictment on this warped society.

Instead of drinking, why not praise the Lord for giving you a healthy body and soul and sing His praises for once. Old Kevin here used to rebel against the Lord in this way and it caused Him so much harm it is almost unbearable to think about. I urinated myself so many times in public that it’s not remotely funny. I’d drink 12 pints of beer at a time and once I’d finished, I would curl up in the town square into a ball and urinate myself until there wasn’t a drop of it left in my body.

God I’m so ashamed of what I was!